These guys suck

Listen up spazzoids,

Let’s try and breakdown the most hated opponents/players for each Detroit team.  Going to be rough because it’s open to interpretation.  Will list top 5 for each and a quick reminder to why.  Here we go.

Detroit Pistons

  1. Boston Celtics/Larry Bird – Bad Boys era rivalry.  Isaiah and Laimbeer hated this guy (maybe vice versa).  Oh yea, and we ended the Celtics dynasty.
  2. Lakers – DEEETTRROOOIIITTT BASSSKETBAAALLLL!!!!! Another Dynasty ended…
  3. Chicago Bulls/Jordan – We created Jordan.  Without the bad boys beating him up, he does not turn into a psycho.  Isaiah/Jordan deep seeded rivalry speaks for itself.
  4. Ron Artest/Metta World Peace/dickhead – Malice at the Palace….
  5. LeBron – He ended our most recent success/is everyone’s rival.

Detroit Tigers

  1. Yankees – another Everyone’s rival etc.,  Magglio Walk off/Kenny Rogers champagne spraying, knocking us out of playoffs, now Miggy fight etc.,
  2. White Sox – Not so much lately, pesky division rival
  3. Indians – Same as White Sox, they have our number now.  (thanks Dombrowski)
  4. Cardinals – Old school rivalry (look it up) they also beat us in the ’06 World Series
  5. Kate Upton – Every bad outing from Verlander is blamed on her…..

Detroit Red Wings

  1. Colorado Avalanche – Late 90’s was the best rivalry was one of the best ever NHL.
  2. Claude Lemieux – Draper push/McCarty ass whooping, (Claude turtled)
  3. Chicago Blackhawks – Proximity rivalry, sad conferences switched
  4. Sidney Crosby – Fuck this guy
  5. Corey Perry – Dirtbag

Detroit Lions

  1. The Refs – Most recent Tate botch job, Calvin Johnson rule, Cowboys playoff, Rodgers facemask to hail mary, Seattle touchback, Cowboys no-call, etc., etc., etc.,
  2. Packers – Need I say more?
  3. Aaron Rodgers/Brett Favre – Not sure if the Fords own us or if they do….
  4. Chicago Bears – Proximity Rivalry (natural)
  5. Matt Millen – Worst “CEO”/GM of any team ever?  No question. Turd.

I hope the rankings/teams/players/people make sense.  Writing this honestly got me fired up.  Man, I hate NFL rules…….

Giddyup,

Harbaugh: I’m Torn

Listen up psychos,

I HATE MICHIGAN and their whiney, bandwagon, pompous, little bitch fans.   Lets get that out of the way.  I currently cannot stand Jim Harbaugh as well (obviously).

HOWEVER, I have to admit, I secretly kinda love the guy.  Yes, he is obnoxious.  Yes, he is the Donald Trump of college football.  Yes, he is turning around a program that I despise. Yes, he tries to act like/dress like Bo Schembechler.  Yes, he gets a lot of credit for a guy who has not won any championships (unless you count NFC champions).  See what I did there?  Shit all over the guy, but now I have to get into why I like him.

He is like Ndamukong Suh, you hate him if he’s not on your team.  If he is on your team, you love him because he riles up all the other teams, excites your fan base, and gets shit done.  I always thought he was a solid coach all the way back to San Diego.  Even though there was that whole “Schwartz hand shake week” where I hated the guy.  He does seem to wear out his welcome or maybe he just gets sick of being in one spot.  You cannot not deny the guy knows how to run a program; he has turned around every place he has been.  Additionally, he is the kind of guy that makes you want to run through a wall; which I believe my MSU boys are lacking since Narduzzi left.  Again, he is a guy who is easy to hate but when he is on your side it’s exciting.

As much as I hate to say it, Harbaugh is good for the Big Ten.  He has renewed the OSU “rivalry” and the MSU “rivalry”; both have owned scUM over the past 8-10 years.  I believe he also attracted some larger coaching names to some of the other programs; James Franklin from Vandy to Kid Fucker University, PJ Fleck to Minnesota, and Jeff Brohm (former XFL QB) from Western Kentucky to Purdue.  The Big Ten has the best line up of coaches by far than any other conference.  SEC, ACC, Big 12, and PAC 12 all are pretty top heavy; just like the BIG TEN used to be.

Now back to hating these douches.  I believe he is too much of a nut job to stay out of the NFL.  While he can handle all the college recruiting crap, I believe he will be back in the NFL within 4-5 years.  I do not see him being a lifer at scUM.  Of course he could prove me wrong.

Giddyup,

P.S.

Harbaugh gave me the best sports moment of my life, “The Punt”.

source.gif

Imagine losing to your most hated rival that you have beat the shit out of for over 6 years with 10 seconds left in their stadium.  AND THEN YOU RETURN A BAD SNAP FOR A TOUCHDOWN TO WIN!!!! Game over, on to the next game, did that really happen?  Yes, it did.  Not sure if it will ever get better than that, honestly.  Even if Lions won a Super Bowl.  The low/high of that game, the fact its scUM, at the big house, so perfect.  I will forever be grateful to Harbaugh for that.

“The Bar-Stool Interruption Experience”

Listen up Stoolies™,

It is safe to say I am a certified Stoolie™.  I was introduced in 2014 after peaking over at a coworkers computer during a mind-numbing desk jockey job.  I have been hooked ever since.  Watching these guys turn into mainstream has been pretty great to watch.  Barstool as a company, is still all over the place while also having the respect/loyalty of their followers; other than the idiot commenters who seem to only hate on every article written for some reason.  We are witnessing a “startup” turn into a certified power house.  El Pres was correct when he said, “she and all the haters will be watching me ring the bell at the NYSE”.

This Clay Travis clown is obviously trying to pull a Howard Stern to try and gain some listeners/followers.  Barstool has enough haters out there right now.  That is why I am writing this, they deserve some love/credit for what they have done so far.  This may be the only “early adopter” thing I have ever been apart of (I can barley work a VCR).  Barstool will eventually take over the sports media/podcast market.  They have a mix of “PTI” and “The Joe Rogan Experience”.  For some reason, myself included, people are hooked on listening to dudes have a good conversation.  Mix that with the sports format and you have “The Barstool Rundown”.

I do not want to turn this into a blow-job-fest for Barstool Sports.  However, the writing is on the wall (literally).  Tell me you would rather read a 1,500 word piece by some nerd that writes for ESPN, CNN, or god forbid Buzzfeed than a Barstool blog.  Their numbers prove it.  From Stool Scenes to PMT to Barstool Radio to the Barstool Blogs, across the board they have more engaging content than any other media/sports outlet (Dan Patrick Show is still the real deal).   No one wants to hear PC bull crap spewed from talking heads anymore.  It is all shifting and these “bros” have figured it out.  Still take offense to the term “bros” because that term is meant for a certain group of fuck-bois; not these guys/*girls.

Keep up the good work Barstool.  Mark my words, they will take over once the official “shift” from traditional media finally happens.

Giddyup

P.S. As you can see from the other stuff I have written previously, I am clearly not a Boston fan or anything like that.  I started writing a while back and picked it back up recently; mainly due to the fact that I root for a football team that will drive you certifiably insane and needed a way to vent.  I do not like writing about stuff that doesn’t have to do with sports/my teams etc., but, this needs to be out there and others should get in line and enjoy the show!

$$$$$$tafford

Listen up you amnesiacs,

Chuck Long, Rusty Hilger, Rodney Peete, Scott Mitchell, Charlie Batch, Joey Harrington, Jon Kitna, Dan Orlovsky, and Daunte Culpepper (when he weighed 400 lbs).

This is the list of starting quarterbacks before Matthew Stafford came to Detroit.  I can honestly remember each type of beer I threw at the wall after these guys threw interceptions; easy since it’s usually a LBL.  We all know Stafford has had some bad INT’s.  But give me a break, his good far outweighs his bad.

Some of the rhetoric that has been going on during this contract negotiation is pretty hilarious.  People not wanting him to be the highest paid QB in the league are just idiots and do not understand how these contracts work.  He will be the highest paid for about 4 months before someone else gets the nod.  People who think he needs to take a pay cut like Brady need to also understand Brady’s wife earns double what he does; no joke, $360m to his $180m.  While I do agree Stafford has made a killing so far, he has earned it.  He was literally the only reason we won about 4 games last year.  And to the absolute jackass who says Stafford sucks, go watch golf or cricket you dickheads.  You obviously have not watched the Lions for very long.  Stafford is already the best Lions QB in history, hands down.  So shut up, be happy you have a franchise QB and be glad we didn’t just sign Jay Cutler to start week 1.  (is it weird I am rooting for Cutler to do good this year?)

I know this will sound like we are settling, but we do need to be happy because it could be much worse.  It wasn’t too long ago when half the fans at Ford Field were wearing bags over their heads in shame.  Some are saying the Jim Schwartz era was the peak of the Stafford-led-Lions.  Recently we have had ex-players trash the franchise.  Keep in mind, the majority of their careers were played under other GM’s.

Things are feeling a little more controlled nowadays.  One thing is for sure, things are changing.  For the better?  Time will tell.  Two years ago, Stafford would already have a contract signed for $160m for 5 years.  Bob Quinn isn’t just dishing out money to put bandaids over everything.  He is managing the cap and also building the franchise into a contender (hopefully).  I do believe Stafford is a top ten QB and does deserve to be paid.  It is just where the league is now.  I would hate to see #9 in another uniform.  I think Bob Quinn feels the same way and a deal will get done.

Lions fans are a funny bunch.  We are loyal though.  You have to be to root for this franchise.

Giddyup

Is it over?

Listen up long-timers,

The year was 2003 and the Tigers ended the season 43-119.  119!!!!! Dombrowski was the GM (he came in 2002).  Alan Trammell (all time Detroiter) was the Manager.  C-Mo, Dimitri Young, Bobby Higginson, Carlos Pena, Fernando Rodney, and Shane Halter were the “stars” on the team.  And now…. they are all in the record books for one of the worst teams in MLB history.

Things did go up from there; it was the only possible way to go.  The Tigers followed that turd of a season with 2004 (79-83) and 2005 (75-87).  During that period, Dombrowksi made some all time great moves bringing in guys like Curtis Granderson, Magglio Ordonez, Placido Polanco, Pudge Rodriguez, and Carlos Guillen. Then, Dombrowski brought in the key pieces: Kenny Rogers, Joel Zumaya, Justin Verlander, and Jim Leyland as Manager.  They took us all the way to a World Series.

It is pretty amazing when you think about it.  Going from 43-119 to the World Series in four years is unreal.  Obviously things didn’t go our way in the World Series, but Dombrowski was not afraid to spend money and knew how to get us there.  He did it again with Miggy in ’08 and Max Scherzer later.  Now, don’t get me wrong, we may be experiencing the fall that the Yankees did after breaking the bank and also giving A-rod all that money, but Miggy is one of the best of all time.  Tthe math never works out with big contracts like this.  We will pay for it in the future; it feels like it is starting now.

With the rumors swirling (for good reason, it makes sense) that Verlander may be headed to the Dodgers, it is a sad day for Tigers fans.  We would all love to see Verlander retire in Detroit.  However, this team just does not seem to have what it takes to make a run; frustrating because we have some of the best bats/pitching in the MLB.  Verlander is a complete stud and will go down as one of the best ace’s in this era.  A World Series will help clinch the HOF for him; he got us to 2, but we couldn’t close the deal.  Verlander will go down as one of the best Tigers of all time, without a doubt.  If he does get traded I will be rooting for him to win it all.

The Tigers are at a turning point.  Either we make a run (unlikely after getting rid of JD) or we start building for the future.  We no longer have the Manager (Leyland made the difference, if you ask me), we still have the starting pitching, we still have the big bats, and of course we do not have a bull pen (we never did).  So, is it over?

That is the question.  Leyland was a great Manager and to hand this talented, star powered team  over to Ausmus.  Brad was set up to fail.  To expect a guy to take on a club with these kind of expectations on his first coaching gig, is simply stupid.  You need a guy who has some respect/pull around the league.  I get that he was a player and everything, but it is too much to ask to have this as your first stint in running a team.  Also, baseball managers can’t be good looking; just saying.  He needs to go on a few benders/smoke a few packs of cigs before taking on a team.  Totally forgot he played for the Tigers in a couple different stints.  The irony of all of this is that the Houston Astros, who Ausmus played his glory days with, are doing exactly what the Tigers built.  They are contenders this year and had one of the worst records in 2013.  Maybe Avila will keep an eye on them and learn a thing or two.

Giddyup

Warriors/Red Wings Golden Era

A.K.A. – There is nothing else going on.

Listen up terrible employees,

If you are reading this, it is probably because you are bored at work and are trying to burn some time.  No worries, you know it is the dog-days of summer when shit like this article is popping up on sports blogs; figured I’d give it a shot.

Recency-bias, but the 2017 Golden State Warriors team is the best basketball team I have ever seen; cue Jordan fans spazzing out.  One of my all time favorite teams to watch was the late 90’s Red Wings.  With everyone freaking out about not making the playoffs, it is a good time to reflect on the best era in Wings’ history.  I will do my best to compare the main pieces of the Wings Dynasty of late 90’s early 2000’s to the current Warriors squad.  I realize this is an enormous waste of time, but shut up and enjoy it.  Here we go.

Steph Curry:  Steve Yzerman

StephSteve

Both guys are the leader of the team; edge to Yzerman, as he is recognized as one of the best Captains of all time in the NHL and Curry is known for being mainly an unbelievable scorer.  However, both “lead by example” and keep to themselves for the most part; other than Steph chewing his fucking mouthpiece non stop.  The team needs each guy to win and looks to them when the team is struggling.

Kevin Durant: Sergei Fedorov

DurantFeder

This was a tough one.  Hear me out.  Both are/were considered one of the top players in their perspective sports.  Both were loved by their teams and hated by others; Durant for joining a super team and Fedorov for being a bit of a preppy/primadonna.  Both were also a stud on a team filled with talent.  Both were also key factors in putting the team over the top compared to all other squads in their leagues.  (I understand that Fedorov will most likely not be remembered as highly as Durant may end up)

Klay Thompson: Brendan Shanahan 

KlayShanny

This one is pretty accurate.  Klay is just an all around solid player; offense, defense, go to scorer, tough, smart, and also knows when to pass to the scorers.  The same goes with Shanahan.  Guy was a badass.  You just knew he was going to make the right move when he had the puck.  He was lock down and is an all time great Red Wing.  Both are solid pros and are guys you have-to-have in order to win multiple championships.

Draymond Green: Darren McCarty

DrayMcCarty

I will not budge on this.  McCarty is one of my all time favorite players and I am team-Draymond.  I have been called borderline insane for saying that the Wings would not have won those cups without McCarty on the team.  Back then, if you did not have a solid enforcer your star players were siting ducks.  If anyone touched the Russian Five (other than Vladi – he could handle it himself), Draper (ask Lemieux), or god forbid Yzerman, then McCarty would whoop their ass; or die trying.  Not only was he the enforcer, but he also scored some key goals in key moments (i.e. ’97 cup vs Flyers).  The same goes for Draymond.  Not only is he an all around solid player, but he is also the enforcer for the Warriors.  He brings attitude to a team that needs it.  Personally, I believe he has given Curry confidence/swagger.  He is semi-insane himself and will not let anyone mess with his team.  Neither team wins championships without these guys on the team……. yea I said it.

Andre Iguodala: Niklas Lidstrom

iggyLid

Had to get Lidstrom on here.  No brainer, he is a HOF Wing.  Obviously had to compare him to a defensemen (defencemen in honor of the Russian 5); since Iguodala is a wiley vet who is known for his defense.  He is a also known for hitting some big shots in key moments.  Iguodala may never be remembered as an  all time great, however he was still integral in these Championship teams.  Lidstrom will be remembered for being one of the great captains/best defensemen, but in the late ’90s he and Iguodala were in similar spots in their careers.  Both are true-pros and are respected in their leagues.

Others I had trouble leaving out:

  • Shaun Livingston/Chris Chelios, Larry Murphy
  • ZaZa Pachulia/Larry Murphy, Chris Osgood
  • Matt Barnes/Martin Lapointe, Joey Kocur, Kirk Maltby
  • JaVale McGee…..
  • ……The rest of the Russian Five

Giddyup

We are being cucked…

Are we serious with this roof?

Listen up you cuckers,

This roof is appalling.  It is a slap in the face.  Are they seriously about to put this little no neck, cheap pizza slinging, bald headed, no legged, spear carrying, asshole on top of the arena????

As I wrote in a previous post, I would rather TAKE ON A SPONSOR than have these cuckers hijack the stadium for their free advertising.  This little idiot is going to be a part of every aerial view of Detroit.  Makes me sick that this is actually happening.  The billion dollar stadium has a roof that looks like the top of a damn pizza box.  How is this happening.  Who come up with this?  A homeless man? A 2nd grader? Unreal.

Was the goal of this to have every person who is flying over Detroit on a plane have the same feeling they would if they ate an entire $5 Hot-N-Ready?  (I have previously stated I love Little Caesar’s)  If that was the goal, they achieved it.  I have that “post Little Caesar’s Feeling” where I am either going to immediately diarrhea in my pants or not poop for 2 weeks.  Really pushing my buttons here.

Looks like the internet storm is brewing and is ready to boil over!

(credit @DetroitMoments for the picture)

Giddyup