These guys suck

Listen up spazzoids,

Let’s try and breakdown the most hated opponents/players for each Detroit team.  Going to be rough because it’s open to interpretation.  Will list top 5 for each and a quick reminder to why.  Here we go.

Detroit Pistons

  1. Boston Celtics/Larry Bird – Bad Boys era rivalry.  Isaiah and Laimbeer hated this guy (maybe vice versa).  Oh yea, and we ended the Celtics dynasty.
  2. Lakers – DEEETTRROOOIIITTT BASSSKETBAAALLLL!!!!! Another Dynasty ended…
  3. Chicago Bulls/Jordan – We created Jordan.  Without the bad boys beating him up, he does not turn into a psycho.  Isaiah/Jordan deep seeded rivalry speaks for itself.
  4. Ron Artest/Metta World Peace/dickhead – Malice at the Palace….
  5. LeBron – He ended our most recent success/is everyone’s rival.

Detroit Tigers

  1. Yankees – another Everyone’s rival etc.,  Magglio Walk off/Kenny Rogers champagne spraying, knocking us out of playoffs, now Miggy fight etc.,
  2. White Sox – Not so much lately, pesky division rival
  3. Indians – Same as White Sox, they have our number now.  (thanks Dombrowski)
  4. Cardinals – Old school rivalry (look it up) they also beat us in the ’06 World Series
  5. Kate Upton – Every bad outing from Verlander is blamed on her…..

Detroit Red Wings

  1. Colorado Avalanche – Late 90’s was the best rivalry was one of the best ever NHL.
  2. Claude Lemieux – Draper push/McCarty ass whooping, (Claude turtled)
  3. Chicago Blackhawks – Proximity rivalry, sad conferences switched
  4. Sidney Crosby – Fuck this guy
  5. Corey Perry – Dirtbag

Detroit Lions

  1. The Refs – Most recent Tate botch job, Calvin Johnson rule, Cowboys playoff, Rodgers facemask to hail mary, Seattle touchback, Cowboys no-call, etc., etc., etc.,
  2. Packers – Need I say more?
  3. Aaron Rodgers/Brett Favre – Not sure if the Fords own us or if they do….
  4. Chicago Bears – Proximity Rivalry (natural)
  5. Matt Millen – Worst “CEO”/GM of any team ever?  No question. Turd.

I hope the rankings/teams/players/people make sense.  Writing this honestly got me fired up.  Man, I hate NFL rules…….

Giddyup,

Warriors/Red Wings Golden Era

A.K.A. – There is nothing else going on.

Listen up terrible employees,

If you are reading this, it is probably because you are bored at work and are trying to burn some time.  No worries, you know it is the dog-days of summer when shit like this article is popping up on sports blogs; figured I’d give it a shot.

Recency-bias, but the 2017 Golden State Warriors team is the best basketball team I have ever seen; cue Jordan fans spazzing out.  One of my all time favorite teams to watch was the late 90’s Red Wings.  With everyone freaking out about not making the playoffs, it is a good time to reflect on the best era in Wings’ history.  I will do my best to compare the main pieces of the Wings Dynasty of late 90’s early 2000’s to the current Warriors squad.  I realize this is an enormous waste of time, but shut up and enjoy it.  Here we go.

Steph Curry:  Steve Yzerman

StephSteve

Both guys are the leader of the team; edge to Yzerman, as he is recognized as one of the best Captains of all time in the NHL and Curry is known for being mainly an unbelievable scorer.  However, both “lead by example” and keep to themselves for the most part; other than Steph chewing his fucking mouthpiece non stop.  The team needs each guy to win and looks to them when the team is struggling.

Kevin Durant: Sergei Fedorov

DurantFeder

This was a tough one.  Hear me out.  Both are/were considered one of the top players in their perspective sports.  Both were loved by their teams and hated by others; Durant for joining a super team and Fedorov for being a bit of a preppy/primadonna.  Both were also a stud on a team filled with talent.  Both were also key factors in putting the team over the top compared to all other squads in their leagues.  (I understand that Fedorov will most likely not be remembered as highly as Durant may end up)

Klay Thompson: Brendan Shanahan 

KlayShanny

This one is pretty accurate.  Klay is just an all around solid player; offense, defense, go to scorer, tough, smart, and also knows when to pass to the scorers.  The same goes with Shanahan.  Guy was a badass.  You just knew he was going to make the right move when he had the puck.  He was lock down and is an all time great Red Wing.  Both are solid pros and are guys you have-to-have in order to win multiple championships.

Draymond Green: Darren McCarty

DrayMcCarty

I will not budge on this.  McCarty is one of my all time favorite players and I am team-Draymond.  I have been called borderline insane for saying that the Wings would not have won those cups without McCarty on the team.  Back then, if you did not have a solid enforcer your star players were siting ducks.  If anyone touched the Russian Five (other than Vladi – he could handle it himself), Draper (ask Lemieux), or god forbid Yzerman, then McCarty would whoop their ass; or die trying.  Not only was he the enforcer, but he also scored some key goals in key moments (i.e. ’97 cup vs Flyers).  The same goes for Draymond.  Not only is he an all around solid player, but he is also the enforcer for the Warriors.  He brings attitude to a team that needs it.  Personally, I believe he has given Curry confidence/swagger.  He is semi-insane himself and will not let anyone mess with his team.  Neither team wins championships without these guys on the team……. yea I said it.

Andre Iguodala: Niklas Lidstrom

iggyLid

Had to get Lidstrom on here.  No brainer, he is a HOF Wing.  Obviously had to compare him to a defensemen (defencemen in honor of the Russian 5); since Iguodala is a wiley vet who is known for his defense.  He is a also known for hitting some big shots in key moments.  Iguodala may never be remembered as an  all time great, however he was still integral in these Championship teams.  Lidstrom will be remembered for being one of the great captains/best defensemen, but in the late ’90s he and Iguodala were in similar spots in their careers.  Both are true-pros and are respected in their leagues.

Others I had trouble leaving out:

  • Shaun Livingston/Chris Chelios, Larry Murphy
  • ZaZa Pachulia/Larry Murphy, Chris Osgood
  • Matt Barnes/Martin Lapointe, Joey Kocur, Kirk Maltby
  • JaVale McGee…..
  • ……The rest of the Russian Five

Giddyup

We are being cucked…

Are we serious with this roof?

Listen up you cuckers,

This roof is appalling.  It is a slap in the face.  Are they seriously about to put this little no neck, cheap pizza slinging, bald headed, no legged, spear carrying, asshole on top of the arena????

As I wrote in a previous post, I would rather TAKE ON A SPONSOR than have these cuckers hijack the stadium for their free advertising.  This little idiot is going to be a part of every aerial view of Detroit.  Makes me sick that this is actually happening.  The billion dollar stadium has a roof that looks like the top of a damn pizza box.  How is this happening.  Who come up with this?  A homeless man? A 2nd grader? Unreal.

Was the goal of this to have every person who is flying over Detroit on a plane have the same feeling they would if they ate an entire $5 Hot-N-Ready?  (I have previously stated I love Little Caesar’s)  If that was the goal, they achieved it.  I have that “post Little Caesar’s Feeling” where I am either going to immediately diarrhea in my pants or not poop for 2 weeks.  Really pushing my buttons here.

Looks like the internet storm is brewing and is ready to boil over!

(credit @DetroitMoments for the picture)

Giddyup

Dombrowski, Holland, Millen – M,F,K.

Listen up turds,

Time to play a little M-F-K.  If you don’t know the game, grow up.

This round will be former Tigers GM, Dave Dombrowski, current Red Wings GM Ken Holland, and just to make it easy, the pride of the Lions Matt Millen.

M – Ken Holland

I know everyone is a little butt-hurt that we didn’t make the playoffs and the team has been on the down turn the past few years.  However, 15 straight playoff appearances with 3 Stanley Cups (became GM in July of ’97), worked with two difficult HOF coaches, managed countless superstars, and kept us relevant.  He is someone you are comfortable with and Detroit fans are very spoiled to have had him for this long.  Don’t get me wrong, if Stevie Y wants to come back to Detroit, get the divorce papers ready!  However, give the man some respect, he earned it.

F –  Dave Dombrowski

This guy.  Talk about fun!  Spends money on you, showers you with talent, gave you some of the most memorable Octobers of your life…… then he dines & dashes, sticks you with the bill, and is now banging your cousin.  He did bring Detroit out of the gutter from the 43-119 season in ’03 (shout out Bobby Higginson, Dmitri Young, Carlos Pena).  He also gave us one of the most memorable moments in Detroit History.  When the Tigers finally got past the Yankees in Detroit and Kenny Rogers was spraying champagne on the fans.  Additionally, I was at the game where Magglio hit the home run to send us to the World Series; probably my best live sports moment ever.  While this was great, now we are feeling the pain of this fling.  He did go all-out and you have to give him credit; most fan bases bitch and moan about not spending money.  It was fun while it lasted, but he may have ruined our lives.

K – Matt Millen

Total cop out putting this guy in here.  Such a no brainer.  But, as a hard core Lions fan (so pathetic) I will take a shot every chance I get at this dude.  While I am sure he is a nice guy, he was not even playing checkers while the rest of the league was playing chess; he was chewing on his fucking fingers.  The one good part of him being let go halfway through the ’08 season was that his name is not in the record books for the 0-16 season (seriously impressive); and FYI, we went 4-0 preseason that year.  Going to do the thing that people do to justify a terrible ex, if we didn’t have him it wouldn’t have lead us to Bob Quinn; but it did make us the laughing stock of the league.

Detroit fans do have something that a lot of fan bases do not have: Loyalty.  Could be that we are a 4-sport city.  But man, we have had some terrible teams: the Deadwings Era, the ’03 Tigers, early 80’s Pistons, and of course the ’08 Lions.  We get pissed, don’t get me wrong, but we always come back with some sort of hope.  So, if things are bad, quit being a pussy and stick it out.  Drink a Labatt, it will get better.

Giddyup

$5 Hot ‘N Ready Arena……. seriously?

Listen up Greedy Gluttons,

The more and more I talk to Detroit fans about LCA (the new home for the Red Wings and Pistons), the more I hear “it’s going to be awesome…. too bad the name sucks.”

For those of you not from Michigan, Little Caesar’s Pizza makes up around 21.5% of the diet for Michiganders (shout out to Big John’s, YaYa’s, Halo Burger, Vernors, and Faygo for making up the rest).  They’re known for the $5 Hot-n-ready pizza; gets most college kids through the week.  I genuinely love Little Caesar’s.  They do not pretend to be “made with fresh ingredients etc.,”.  They almost have a Taco-bell-kind of thing going on where they call it like it is: cheap pizza, shut up and eat it.  While this is not a diss on Little Caesar’s Pizza, it is a diss on the reason we are naming this arena after the franchise.

And while I say “we”, of course “we the fans” had no say in the matter.  The worst part about this is according to all of the articles, it was a thought out choice.  As opposed to a thought out debate on the best name for the arena.  Can we all agree we want a real name for this new arena?  While I understand that they are attempting to keep the legacy of Mr. I alive by naming it Little Caesar’s Arena, I do not believe that this name does him justice.

We all read the article that broke down how they could have had $6.25 million/year from an outside bidder.  However, how is no one admitting that this is just free advertising of a pizza chain to a state that literally only eats from this chain?  $5 Pizza Arena should not be what the city of Detroit should agree to.  I understand, that at the end of the day, it is not our call, but c’mon….Little Caesar’s Arena.  Seems like a convenient humble brag to “not take on any outside bidders, to honor Mr. I’s legacy”, then name it after your billion-dollar pizza franchise.

And if we really wanted to honor Mr. I, how about calling it MIKE ILITCH ARENA or ILITCH ARENA????   If you are from Michigan and you do not equate the Ilitch family with Little Caesar’s, Tigers, $5 Hot-and-ready’s, or the Red Wings, then you have been living under a rock.  Going from “The Joe” to “Little Caesar’s Arena” is tough to swallow.

Check out this petition that was started that has almost 30k signatures: LINK HERE

In reality, the place could be nameless and I would still go there and love it.  The arena is going to be awesome and it is going to be even better for Detroit; year round sports downtown will be unreal.    Check out some new name options below.

Real possibilities:

  • Mike Ilitch Arena
  • Gordie Howe Arena
  • Great Lakes Arena
  • City of Detroit Arena
  • Open to Suggestions….

Michigan Ideas (why not?):

  • Vernor’s Arena
  • Big John’s Steak & Onion Arena
  • YaYa’s Flame Broiled Chicken Arena
  • Faygo Rock ‘n Rye Arena
  • Empress of China Arena
  • The Vu Gentleman’s Club Arena
  • Halo Burger Arena
  • Pothole Arena
  • I-75 Construction Arena
  • Oberon Arena

Tweet us suggestions: #newLCAnames

Giddyup