These guys suck

Listen up spazzoids,

Let’s try and breakdown the most hated opponents/players for each Detroit team.  Going to be rough because it’s open to interpretation.  Will list top 5 for each and a quick reminder to why.  Here we go.

Detroit Pistons

  1. Boston Celtics/Larry Bird – Bad Boys era rivalry.  Isaiah and Laimbeer hated this guy (maybe vice versa).  Oh yea, and we ended the Celtics dynasty.
  2. Lakers – DEEETTRROOOIIITTT BASSSKETBAAALLLL!!!!! Another Dynasty ended…
  3. Chicago Bulls/Jordan – We created Jordan.  Without the bad boys beating him up, he does not turn into a psycho.  Isaiah/Jordan deep seeded rivalry speaks for itself.
  4. Ron Artest/Metta World Peace/dickhead – Malice at the Palace….
  5. LeBron – He ended our most recent success/is everyone’s rival.

Detroit Tigers

  1. Yankees – another Everyone’s rival etc.,  Magglio Walk off/Kenny Rogers champagne spraying, knocking us out of playoffs, now Miggy fight etc.,
  2. White Sox – Not so much lately, pesky division rival
  3. Indians – Same as White Sox, they have our number now.  (thanks Dombrowski)
  4. Cardinals – Old school rivalry (look it up) they also beat us in the ’06 World Series
  5. Kate Upton – Every bad outing from Verlander is blamed on her…..

Detroit Red Wings

  1. Colorado Avalanche – Late 90’s was the best rivalry was one of the best ever NHL.
  2. Claude Lemieux – Draper push/McCarty ass whooping, (Claude turtled)
  3. Chicago Blackhawks – Proximity rivalry, sad conferences switched
  4. Sidney Crosby – Fuck this guy
  5. Corey Perry – Dirtbag

Detroit Lions

  1. The Refs – Most recent Tate botch job, Calvin Johnson rule, Cowboys playoff, Rodgers facemask to hail mary, Seattle touchback, Cowboys no-call, etc., etc., etc.,
  2. Packers – Need I say more?
  3. Aaron Rodgers/Brett Favre – Not sure if the Fords own us or if they do….
  4. Chicago Bears – Proximity Rivalry (natural)
  5. Matt Millen – Worst “CEO”/GM of any team ever?  No question. Turd.

I hope the rankings/teams/players/people make sense.  Writing this honestly got me fired up.  Man, I hate NFL rules…….


Is it over?

Listen up long-timers,

The year was 2003 and the Tigers ended the season 43-119.  119!!!!! Dombrowski was the GM (he came in 2002).  Alan Trammell (all time Detroiter) was the Manager.  C-Mo, Dimitri Young, Bobby Higginson, Carlos Pena, Fernando Rodney, and Shane Halter were the “stars” on the team.  And now…. they are all in the record books for one of the worst teams in MLB history.

Things did go up from there; it was the only possible way to go.  The Tigers followed that turd of a season with 2004 (79-83) and 2005 (75-87).  During that period, Dombrowksi made some all time great moves bringing in guys like Curtis Granderson, Magglio Ordonez, Placido Polanco, Pudge Rodriguez, and Carlos Guillen. Then, Dombrowski brought in the key pieces: Kenny Rogers, Joel Zumaya, Justin Verlander, and Jim Leyland as Manager.  They took us all the way to a World Series.

It is pretty amazing when you think about it.  Going from 43-119 to the World Series in four years is unreal.  Obviously things didn’t go our way in the World Series, but Dombrowski was not afraid to spend money and knew how to get us there.  He did it again with Miggy in ’08 and Max Scherzer later.  Now, don’t get me wrong, we may be experiencing the fall that the Yankees did after breaking the bank and also giving A-rod all that money, but Miggy is one of the best of all time.  Tthe math never works out with big contracts like this.  We will pay for it in the future; it feels like it is starting now.

With the rumors swirling (for good reason, it makes sense) that Verlander may be headed to the Dodgers, it is a sad day for Tigers fans.  We would all love to see Verlander retire in Detroit.  However, this team just does not seem to have what it takes to make a run; frustrating because we have some of the best bats/pitching in the MLB.  Verlander is a complete stud and will go down as one of the best ace’s in this era.  A World Series will help clinch the HOF for him; he got us to 2, but we couldn’t close the deal.  Verlander will go down as one of the best Tigers of all time, without a doubt.  If he does get traded I will be rooting for him to win it all.

The Tigers are at a turning point.  Either we make a run (unlikely after getting rid of JD) or we start building for the future.  We no longer have the Manager (Leyland made the difference, if you ask me), we still have the starting pitching, we still have the big bats, and of course we do not have a bull pen (we never did).  So, is it over?

That is the question.  Leyland was a great Manager and to hand this talented, star powered team  over to Ausmus.  Brad was set up to fail.  To expect a guy to take on a club with these kind of expectations on his first coaching gig, is simply stupid.  You need a guy who has some respect/pull around the league.  I get that he was a player and everything, but it is too much to ask to have this as your first stint in running a team.  Also, baseball managers can’t be good looking; just saying.  He needs to go on a few benders/smoke a few packs of cigs before taking on a team.  Totally forgot he played for the Tigers in a couple different stints.  The irony of all of this is that the Houston Astros, who Ausmus played his glory days with, are doing exactly what the Tigers built.  They are contenders this year and had one of the worst records in 2013.  Maybe Avila will keep an eye on them and learn a thing or two.


Dombrowski, Holland, Millen – M,F,K.

Listen up turds,

Time to play a little M-F-K.  If you don’t know the game, grow up.

This round will be former Tigers GM, Dave Dombrowski, current Red Wings GM Ken Holland, and just to make it easy, the pride of the Lions Matt Millen.

M – Ken Holland

I know everyone is a little butt-hurt that we didn’t make the playoffs and the team has been on the down turn the past few years.  However, 15 straight playoff appearances with 3 Stanley Cups (became GM in July of ’97), worked with two difficult HOF coaches, managed countless superstars, and kept us relevant.  He is someone you are comfortable with and Detroit fans are very spoiled to have had him for this long.  Don’t get me wrong, if Stevie Y wants to come back to Detroit, get the divorce papers ready!  However, give the man some respect, he earned it.

F –  Dave Dombrowski

This guy.  Talk about fun!  Spends money on you, showers you with talent, gave you some of the most memorable Octobers of your life…… then he dines & dashes, sticks you with the bill, and is now banging your cousin.  He did bring Detroit out of the gutter from the 43-119 season in ’03 (shout out Bobby Higginson, Dmitri Young, Carlos Pena).  He also gave us one of the most memorable moments in Detroit History.  When the Tigers finally got past the Yankees in Detroit and Kenny Rogers was spraying champagne on the fans.  Additionally, I was at the game where Magglio hit the home run to send us to the World Series; probably my best live sports moment ever.  While this was great, now we are feeling the pain of this fling.  He did go all-out and you have to give him credit; most fan bases bitch and moan about not spending money.  It was fun while it lasted, but he may have ruined our lives.

K – Matt Millen

Total cop out putting this guy in here.  Such a no brainer.  But, as a hard core Lions fan (so pathetic) I will take a shot every chance I get at this dude.  While I am sure he is a nice guy, he was not even playing checkers while the rest of the league was playing chess; he was chewing on his fucking fingers.  The one good part of him being let go halfway through the ’08 season was that his name is not in the record books for the 0-16 season (seriously impressive); and FYI, we went 4-0 preseason that year.  Going to do the thing that people do to justify a terrible ex, if we didn’t have him it wouldn’t have lead us to Bob Quinn; but it did make us the laughing stock of the league.

Detroit fans do have something that a lot of fan bases do not have: Loyalty.  Could be that we are a 4-sport city.  But man, we have had some terrible teams: the Deadwings Era, the ’03 Tigers, early 80’s Pistons, and of course the ’08 Lions.  We get pissed, don’t get me wrong, but we always come back with some sort of hope.  So, if things are bad, quit being a pussy and stick it out.  Drink a Labatt, it will get better.