Dombrowski, Holland, Millen – M,F,K.

Listen up turds,

Time to play a little M-F-K.  If you don’t know the game, grow up.

This round will be former Tigers GM, Dave Dombrowski, current Red Wings GM Ken Holland, and just to make it easy, the pride of the Lions Matt Millen.

M – Ken Holland

I know everyone is a little butt-hurt that we didn’t make the playoffs and the team has been on the down turn the past few years.  However, 15 straight playoff appearances with 3 Stanley Cups (became GM in July of ’97), worked with two difficult HOF coaches, managed countless superstars, and kept us relevant.  He is someone you are comfortable with and Detroit fans are very spoiled to have had him for this long.  Don’t get me wrong, if Stevie Y wants to come back to Detroit, get the divorce papers ready!  However, give the man some respect, he earned it.

F –  Dave Dombrowski

This guy.  Talk about fun!  Spends money on you, showers you with talent, gave you some of the most memorable Octobers of your life…… then he dines & dashes, sticks you with the bill, and is now banging your cousin.  He did bring Detroit out of the gutter from the 43-119 season in ’03 (shout out Bobby Higginson, Dmitri Young, Carlos Pena).  He also gave us one of the most memorable moments in Detroit History.  When the Tigers finally got past the Yankees in Detroit and Kenny Rogers was spraying champagne on the fans.  Additionally, I was at the game where Magglio hit the home run to send us to the World Series; probably my best live sports moment ever.  While this was great, now we are feeling the pain of this fling.  He did go all-out and you have to give him credit; most fan bases bitch and moan about not spending money.  It was fun while it lasted, but he may have ruined our lives.

K – Matt Millen

Total cop out putting this guy in here.  Such a no brainer.  But, as a hard core Lions fan (so pathetic) I will take a shot every chance I get at this dude.  While I am sure he is a nice guy, he was not even playing checkers while the rest of the league was playing chess; he was chewing on his fucking fingers.  The one good part of him being let go halfway through the ’08 season was that his name is not in the record books for the 0-16 season (seriously impressive); and FYI, we went 4-0 preseason that year.  Going to do the thing that people do to justify a terrible ex, if we didn’t have him it wouldn’t have lead us to Bob Quinn; but it did make us the laughing stock of the league.

Detroit fans do have something that a lot of fan bases do not have: Loyalty.  Could be that we are a 4-sport city.  But man, we have had some terrible teams: the Deadwings Era, the ’03 Tigers, early 80’s Pistons, and of course the ’08 Lions.  We get pissed, don’t get me wrong, but we always come back with some sort of hope.  So, if things are bad, quit being a pussy and stick it out.  Drink a Labatt, it will get better.


$5 Hot ‘N Ready Arena……. seriously?

Listen up Greedy Gluttons,

The more and more I talk to Detroit fans about LCA (the new home for the Red Wings and Pistons), the more I hear “it’s going to be awesome…. too bad the name sucks.”

For those of you not from Michigan, Little Caesar’s Pizza makes up around 21.5% of the diet for Michiganders (shout out to Big John’s, YaYa’s, Halo Burger, Vernors, and Faygo for making up the rest).  They’re known for the $5 Hot-n-ready pizza; gets most college kids through the week.  I genuinely love Little Caesar’s.  They do not pretend to be “made with fresh ingredients etc.,”.  They almost have a Taco-bell-kind of thing going on where they call it like it is: cheap pizza, shut up and eat it.  While this is not a diss on Little Caesar’s Pizza, it is a diss on the reason we are naming this arena after the franchise.

And while I say “we”, of course “we the fans” had no say in the matter.  The worst part about this is according to all of the articles, it was a thought out choice.  As opposed to a thought out debate on the best name for the arena.  Can we all agree we want a real name for this new arena?  While I understand that they are attempting to keep the legacy of Mr. I alive by naming it Little Caesar’s Arena, I do not believe that this name does him justice.

We all read the article that broke down how they could have had $6.25 million/year from an outside bidder.  However, how is no one admitting that this is just free advertising of a pizza chain to a state that literally only eats from this chain?  $5 Pizza Arena should not be what the city of Detroit should agree to.  I understand, that at the end of the day, it is not our call, but c’mon….Little Caesar’s Arena.  Seems like a convenient humble brag to “not take on any outside bidders, to honor Mr. I’s legacy”, then name it after your billion-dollar pizza franchise.

And if we really wanted to honor Mr. I, how about calling it MIKE ILITCH ARENA or ILITCH ARENA????   If you are from Michigan and you do not equate the Ilitch family with Little Caesar’s, Tigers, $5 Hot-and-ready’s, or the Red Wings, then you have been living under a rock.  Going from “The Joe” to “Little Caesar’s Arena” is tough to swallow.

Check out this petition that was started that has almost 30k signatures: LINK HERE

In reality, the place could be nameless and I would still go there and love it.  The arena is going to be awesome and it is going to be even better for Detroit; year round sports downtown will be unreal.    Check out some new name options below.

Real possibilities:

  • Mike Ilitch Arena
  • Gordie Howe Arena
  • Great Lakes Arena
  • City of Detroit Arena
  • Open to Suggestions….

Michigan Ideas (why not?):

  • Vernor’s Arena
  • Big John’s Steak & Onion Arena
  • YaYa’s Flame Broiled Chicken Arena
  • Faygo Rock ‘n Rye Arena
  • Empress of China Arena
  • The Vu Gentleman’s Club Arena
  • Halo Burger Arena
  • Pothole Arena
  • I-75 Construction Arena
  • Oberon Arena

Tweet us suggestions: #newLCAnames


Martha Ford, Major League, Any Given Sunday

We feel comfortable with the front office. This is not normal.

Listen up you pathetic losers,

In a couple of months, I will grab my crinkled up Chris Spielman #54 jersey I’ve had since 7th grade that was thrown in the back of my closet after yelling “I’m done”.  It is a yearly event that takes place at the end of every Lions season.  Of course, I am never done and I have been googling “Detroit Lions” daily to hear about every offseason acquisition, training camp news, or the new cheerleader that made the squad.  I am pathetic and I know it.  Every year Lions fans do the Super Bowl math, breakdown the schedule before it comes out, chalk 3 additional wins for Stafford pulling a crazy come back, and we are consistently let down.

HOWEVER, I think it is time to give Martha Ford some props.  I’ll admit, at first I thought we were getting into a situation like the Cleveland Indians in Major League, where Rachel Phelps is the evil owner that the team hates.  Now I am thinking we are in a Cameron Diaz in Any Given Sunday situation, where she actually cares about winning and wants the team to succeed.

After a shaky start in 2015, she did not mess around.  She canned the GM, forced the coach to scrap assistant coaches who were not getting the most out of the offense etc., and MADE SOLID HIRES.  That sounds like an oxymoron to a Lions fan.  Matt Millen’s name isn’t allowed to be whispered in Detroit anymore.  Bob Quinn’s name is said with pride (so far).  He has made smart decisions like drafting lineman, working on the cap, and bringing in solid free agents that make sense.  Time will tell what these moves will bring to Detroit, but you have to admit as a Lions fan this is the first time in our lives that we fee like we are in good hands.

Also, Jim Bob Cooter is a future Bill Belichick; so that helps.


The Godfather

Mark Dantonio has earned the respect, now give it.

Listen up boners,

This goes out to all the jack offs who are calling for Mark Dantonio’s resignation, 5 year bans, and even the death penalty?!?!.  You are all little snow flake turds.  What happened was horrible.  And the 3 players that were involved are going to pay for it; will probably go to jail.  But to call for the coach’s head for what these idiots did at a college party is ridiculous.  And this would set a terrible standard for coaches moving forward if you punish the guy for reporting this.

If anything, this should be an example of how coaches around the NCAA should handle situations like this.  It should be a privilege to play a college sport, not a free pass to act like an idiot and do whatever you want because you are a star athlete.  This should actually set the bar higher for other programs to not just sweep stuff like this under the rug.  Don’t want to compare this to Baylor or good ole Joe Pa, but if they would have actually TOOK SOME ACTION ONCE THEY WERE INFORMED, they may have saved not only their programs but future victims as well.  Instead, they turned a blind eye because they were more interested in their programs success/their legacies than doing the right thing.

Mark Dantonio is one of the most well respected and stand up coaches in the country.  He does not sell his soul to the devil to get recruits or build his program through shady tactics.  He turned a predominantly basketball-focused (still is) fan base into a two sport crowd.  And for all of you buttholes who don’t remember how terrible the football program was, he turned Saturday tailgates for MSU fans from “were just here for the party” to “we’re still here to party, but now we will kick your ass too”.

Shut up and let the man run the program with the respect he has earned.